I hit perimenopause at 48 in the middle of a demanding office job, and the hardest part was not the flushes. It was sitting in a meeting with sweat running down my back while someone asked me a question, and trying to look completely normal. Nobody at work was talking about it, and I certainly was not going to be the first.
I am not a doctor, and everything below is general information drawn from my own experience of working through this. What helped me most was understanding that the changes were real and manageable, not a character flaw I had to hide.
What it actually feels like at work
- Hot flushes that arrive mid-meeting, with a flush spreading up your neck and chest
- Night sweats that wreck your sleep, so you arrive already tired
- Concentration that slips in the afternoon in a way it never used to
- Mood that moves faster than the situation warrants, which is disorienting when you are normally steady
- Memory lapses — walking into a room and forgetting why, losing a word mid-sentence
The sleep piece affected my work more than the flushes did. A broken night made me short-tempered in the morning meeting and slow on problems I usually solved quickly, and for a while I read that as something going wrong with me rather than a symptom with a cause.
The adjustments I actually made
None of these are dramatic, and together they made the difference. I started with the ones I could control myself, before deciding whether to say anything at work.
Should you tell anyone at work
This is a personal decision and I will not pretend it is easy. What I did was tell one manager I trusted, in plain language, in a short conversation: this is happening, it affects my sleep and sometimes my focus, I am managing it, and here is what helps. That was all. It took the fear out of being caught out, and it meant that when I asked for a small adjustment it was not a surprise. You do not owe your employer a medical history, but you may find, as I did, that one honest sentence removes a great deal of the strain of hiding.
The appointment I finally made
For two years I treated this as something to endure privately. What changed things was a straightforward appointment where I described the sleep and the flushes honestly, and asked what my options were. The conversation was far more useful than I feared — there are treatments and adjustments, and which of them suit you depends on your own health and history, so it is a discussion to have with your doctor rather than a decision to copy from someone else.
What I would say to someone reading this at 46 and putting it off: it is not a private weakness, it is a stage, and it is a lot more manageable once you stop managing it alone and silently.
The flushes were uncomfortable. The hiding was exhausting. Once I stopped hiding it, the job got easier again.
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Questions readers ask
- Is it worth seeing a doctor for menopause symptoms?
- Yes, particularly if symptoms are affecting your sleep, work or mood. There are options for managing symptoms, and which ones suit you depends on your own health history, so it is a conversation to have with your doctor rather than a decision to make from what worked for someone else.
- Do I have to tell my employer?
- No. It is your choice. Some people find one short, factual conversation with a trusted manager removes the strain of hiding it, and makes a small adjustment easier to ask for. Others prefer to manage privately. Both are reasonable.
